Avoid argument

Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face (in a public speech)? He didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it. Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle.

Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants (競爭者) more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

If you argue and rankle (使人怨恨) and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent's good will (善意).

Buddha said,"Hatred (仇恨) is never ended by hatred but by love."

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best.

When you have heard your opponents out, dwell (deal with) first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends.

Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, or will it just relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or draw them closer to me?

Carnegie, D.D. (1981). How to Win Friends & Influence People (Revised Ed.) New York, NY: Pocket Books.