歸屬感與虛榮心

從前在梁銶琚(LKKC)讀中五，會有一份歸屬感。 雖然 LKKC 是 Band 1 英文中學，更被譽為屋村名校， 但我只是慶幸自己能成為其中一員，一點虛榮心也沒有。 回想起來，很懷念那份無邪。 經過時間的洗禮，在何福堂(HFTC)讀中七，高考受挫， 之後在 PolyU HKCC 修讀 Associate in Health Studies. 讀了第一年副學士，幸運地銜接上 HKU BNurs. 當時我沾沾自喜，產生了一種虛榮心。 幸好，此種心態只是維持了半年左右。 奇怪的是，我還未能對大學產生歸屬感。 可能是因為我不太喜歡學系裡的小圈子生態， 也可能是因為我得罪人多、稱呼人少，朋友少，知心更少。 P.S.現在畢業了，又如何！ 人家可憐我曾有 mood disorder 才讓我勉強合格。 Teaching consultant 強烈建議我不要在前線工作。 一個護理學系畢業生不能在醫院工作，又沒經驗，能有一番作為嗎？ 難道要學四十歲的老鷹痛苦地脫變？ 我想，先要忘掉那 HKU graduate 的虛名。 雖然我不是 worst of the best, 但也不是 best of the best.

牛

咸豐年前, 太極師公在玉器市場問我一塊玉牛擺設的英文是甚麼？ 當年, 我大概是一個中一學生。 我答: “Cow.” 師公道: “不對, 公牛的英文是 Ox.” 故事的寓意是甚麼呢? 語言難學, 別國的語言更難學。 他大概沒有上過英文堂, 他學的是 use of English. 說到牛與英語, 牛肉的英文是 beef; 牛排的英文是 steak. Steak 的生熟程度又衍生出不同用語: rare, medium and well done. 不同部位的牛排又有不同的名稱: for example, ribeye and T-bone. 而中國人對豬肉便比較講究, 有分西施骨、柳梅、金沙骨等等。

Comment of CI in Yr 2 (Sept, 2013)

Tsz Yeung Samson overall performance was unsatisfactory in last three weeks. He is a cheerful person and motivated learner. He was active to practice various nursing procedures (aseptic technique and intravenous drug administration) in supervisory skills laboratory in school and also in ward. He was very weak in planning his nursing care and prioritizes his nursing care according to his patient’s need. He was very poor in time management even though he carried out total patient care for two patients only. He performed all his nursing care in a very slow pace manner even though he assigned to take care the same patients (Bed 12,13) in last two week clinical practicum. He failed to demonstrate problem-solving behavior and critical thinking when he provided nursing care to his patients. He was unable to work independently. He required frequent prompting and assisting with constantly cue given by clinical instructor and 2nd assessor. He could not organize his nursing care in systematic ways with good coordination manner which could affect his effectiveness and efficiency of nursing care. He needs frequent probing and advice from clinical instructor and teammates when he was doing most of nursing procedures and daily routine. He was unable to perform comprehensive nursing assessment: because he kept missing important details about patient’s condition while performing risk of fall assessment on his patient and carried out comprehensive post operative care. His performance in aseptic technique was unsatisfactory due to repeated mistake, such as, contamination dressing materials and patient’s wound. In addition, he failed in AOM as his carelessness in administration medication and forgot to documentation after drug administration. Future direction: he is advised to further fine-tone his skills in basic and advanced nursing skills in order to increase his confidence working in clinical area and maintain patient safety in future. He needs to set priority for his nursing care and procedures. He must improve his communication skill by providing education to patients.

談近況 (August, 2013)

較早前申請了政府的綜合招聘考試, 瀏覽當局網站的例題, 中英文也難到不得了。 一向語文成績偏弱的小弟來說可說是岌岌可危。 盡了力, 搏盡便無悔。不只一次機會呢! 與此同時, 亦申請一份正職。 想在元朗廈村博愛醫院一所護理安老院擔當合約活動工作員。 表格上問期望薪酬, 我填了八千元, 被阿媽罵了一頓。 外邊相關職系也是九千元左右, 而我又沒經驗。 工作需要懂得中文輸入, 近兩天練習速成, 此篇文章也是放棄了手寫。 剛完成自閉症人士福利促進會的義務工作, 臨別時, 看見可愛的小朋友, 依依不捨。 自問性格比較內向的我來說, 與他們溝通的確有難道。 因為時間分配的關係, 大部分日子裡, 我只是和他們玩球類運動。 到了最後一天, 我們一起玩樂器, 看他們綵排話劇, 感覺很不一樣。 最高興的是, 我和某幾個小朋友建立了互信的關係。 最近, 在旺角某教育中心學習普通話, 上的是基礎課程。 老師說我的普通話比其他同學好。 因為我的年紀比他們小?不對。 而是我在大學裡讀過初班。

Tai Chi (May, 2013)

It is a great pleasure to learn that Master Wu Kung Cho (吳公藻) is about to publish this comprehensive book on Tai Chi Chuan (太極拳), the Wu style… This book represents the accumulation of generations of experience and knowledge of the Wu family in Tai Chi Chuan, and deals with the theoretical, practical, physiological and historical aspects of the art in a most thorough and comprehensive way… The author hopes that this book will provide useful references for those who are genuinely interested in Tai Chi Chuan, and that it will be contributive to the promotion of physical well-being of the human race… Tai Chi Chuan is a fascinating set of physical exercise or Chinese martial art, the origin of which dates back to 1,000 A.D. or more, and is now attracting more and more attention in the West. It is a unique Chinese system of soft-intrinsic martial art which involves a combination of breathing, meditation and exercise in a smooth, round and continuous movement to reach every inner and outer part of the human body. The essence of the movements of Tai Chi Chuan lies in the co-ordination of the mind and the body. Because of its relaxed postures and its gentle and graceful movements which neither over-activate the heart nor over-strain the muscles, it is suitable for people of all… Its name derived from a concept of Chinese philosophy meaning the “Supreme Ultimate” or the “Absolute End”, which represents the highest development of an ancient Chinese physical and psychological principle. It is also called “Shadow Boxing” because a major self-defense technique of Tai Chi Chuan is to follow and to tenaciously adhere to the opponent like a shadow to its object… The whole set of exercise takes about half an hour to complete when performed in slow motion and it can be regarded as an art that stresses gentle breathing, balanced and relaxed postures and absolute calmness of mind. Emphasis is laid on mental and physical co-ordination. The body is the form, and the mind, which is the spirit of all the movements, is the actual moving force. A characteristic of Tai Chi Chuan is slow-moving. It is common knowledge that food is chewed slowly, it can be more fully digested and its taste can be more fully enjoyed. Likewise, the slow-moving in Tai Chi Chuan requires attentive control and entails clarity and distinctness of movement. It also enables the mind to function to its fullness in recognizing and appreciating the essence of every move. Another characteristic of Tai Chi Chuan is smoothness. Though the movements are done slowly, there is no interruption. No movement is sudden or abrupt and all the postures flow evenly and gracefully without pause from start to finish. A third characteristic is that the movements are composed of arcs and circles, big or small. Theses circular movements which embrace the theory of Yin and Yang have both a neutralizing and a counter-attacking effect when put into practical use. One more characteristic is that there is no independent movement of limbs, the head or even the fingers in Tai Chi Chuan. The great variety of forms and movements are so constructed that the various parts of the body move as a well-knitted unit, and the feet, the legs the head and the waist must act as one continuous whole. As the “Theory of Tai Chi Chuan” puts it, “All parts of the body are connected like a string of pearls” and “Every movement is rooted in the feet, developed in the legs, directed by the waist and expressed through the finger.” There are many misconceptions about the use of Tai Chi Chuan for self-defense. Because of its slow and ballet-like movements, Westerners usually regard it as only a health exercise, but we must not forget that Tai Chi Chuan is basically a martial art and that every movement has its logic in practical use. Of course, self-defense involves rapid actions that are much faster than the movements executed when Tai Chi Chuan is practiced alone. So after becoming skilled in the practice of the forms of the set exercise, the next step is to practise Tui Shao (推手) or push-hand exercise with a partner to develop the technique of self-defence. There are several fixed or basic patterns of Tui Shao to master before the free style matches are practised. The object is to uproot your opponent while remaining firmly rooted yourself. Tui Shao helps the player to develop intrinsic strength and to acquire an acute sensitivity of touch. In Tui Shao, the player is trained to give himself up and to follow and adhere to his opponent. This may sound astounding to the conventional boxer. Well, to illustrate, when a Tai Chi expert meets an opponent who strikes at him, he neither opposes nor counters the blow; instead he yields before the force and by skillful manipulation of the circular movements, shifts his opponent’s force to another direction. Then, taking advantage of his opponent’s momentum, he adds a pull or a push so that with the augmented resultant force, the opponent, meeting no resistance, is thrown to the ground. This explains the principle of “toppling a thousand pounds with only four ounces”. The four ounces do not squarely meet the thousand pounds of course, but rather cause the heavier force to defeat itself. The keynote therefore is not to meet force with force, but to make use of the opponent’s force. The technique lies in keeping light but tenacious adherence to the opponent. There should be neither resistance nor letting go. At the opponent’s slightest advancing pressure, you yield to him; at his slightest retreat, you stick to him. Over a period of long and correct practice in the push-hand exercise, the self-defence technique of Tai Chi Chuan, you will acquire such sensitive audible power in your skin on any slightest movements of your opponent that you will be able to precisely detect his moves just before he makes them. Tai Chi Chuan also includes the use of weapons (lance, the one-bladed sword and the double-bladed sword). Weapons are regarded as an extension of our arms. Therefore a player has to master the set exercise or the Chuan itself first before he learns to use weapons…

Catholic (April, 2013)

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” Mother Teresa

Recruitment talk (April, 2013)

早前收到一封 portal email， 有一間專營醫療器材的公司， 請畢業生當 management trainee. 雖然我不是 business 出身， 但本人對 medical equipment 有基礎認識， 所以去了 main campus 聽講座。 一開首講者便以激將法問同學們對講座的期望， 在沒人發聲的情況下我便舉手回應。 我道, I want to understand the job nature through this talk. 講者道, How much do you know about our company? 我說, By reading the email, I know that the company sells medical equipments to hospitals. 講者問, What are you studying? I said I was a nursing student. 他說, Many nursing students work as a nurse, why do you attend this talk? I said the working environment of hospital was very stressful. 他道, It’s really true. 講座期間他又問我什麼是 CSSD (Central Sterile Supply Department). 什麼是 AED (automatic external defibrillator). 我答, AED 是 defibrillator. 跟著我想, 在座的同學不會太明白什麼是心臟去顫器， 接著心裡浮現了心律不正此四字。 因為講座以英語 conduct, 我竟然說了, it makes the heart to beat again by electrical pulse. 大錯特錯， 其實 AED 是用於 ventricular fibrillation 和 ventricular tachycardia (過快). 如果心跳停頓要立即進行 cardiopulmonary resuscitation. 講座接近尾聲， 講者道, 入職不用經驗， 但 accumulative GPA 要 at least 3.3 即時灰了， 白花車費和時間， 有興趣的同學可發電郵致 recruit@cra.hk with academic result and resume

劏房行 (April, 2013)

昨天跟社會服務團做義工， 活動名叫「愛回家…？」 我們在石籬街市買了些乾貨， 送予葵涌「不適切居所住戶」。 大家可能不明白什麼是「不適切居住戶」， 其實只是劏房戶的別稱。 我們分組到不同的大廈。 頭一二所大廈的居民沒一戶開門回應， 我想他們可能是怕事。 到了葵英大廈， 大廈門口沒大閘沒保安， 我們自由出入。 因為時間傖促，只能送出福袋和談了兩句。 走廊沒人打掃，骯髒得很。 他們連床都沒有，只有床褥， 可說是家徒四壁。 他們今天有記者會， 有居民還以為我們是傳媒。 根據商業電台報導， 葵英大廈七十多戶劏房戶組成關注組， 呼籲政府關注他們被迫遷的情況。 他們在二月收到業主通知，大廈業權經已轉讓，要他們在五月底前搬走， 但附近的套房數量少，租金亦較高。 大廈目前間歇斷水斷電，大閘又被拆走，擔心安全及環境問題。 他們希望業主能夠延長搬遷期，以及社署盡快安排他們上中轉屋。 http://www.881903.com/Page/ZH-TW/newsdetail.aspx?ItemId=615252&csid=261_341 傍晚，我們到了長沙灣參與政策分享會， 與天台戶代表及街坊一同討論房屋問題， 了解市區重建對不適切居所住戶的影響。

Equip myself (March, 2013)

四年的實習完結了，導師口頭上已說我合格了。 所有的課堂也終結了，一切的功課也呈交了。 全部的考試亦完成了，現在正等待公報結果。 雖然成績一般，但應該合格有餘。 已有多於兩位老師說我不適合在醫院工作， 其實原因多不勝數。 第一，我的 fine motor skill 有問題，緊張時會手震。 試問一位護士有 hand tremor 的 issue, 病人怎會安心接受護理呢？ 第二，我的 short term memory 很差。 假如要記十多個病人的狀況， 又要交更，怎麼辦呢？ 第三，我的工作效率低，醫院工作超忙， 病人遲了接受治療，又如何擔當得起呢？ 第四，護士要輪班工作。 假如要在夜更做 in charge, 人手不足，責任何其大。 第五，八九小時長期 alert, 我做不到。 雖然如此，老師亦提議我報 Hospital Authority 的 interview, 去吸收面試經驗，go through 這個 process, 我也照辦。 這兩天公眾假期，我正在想將來的去向。 一個 fresh grad, 一個沒經驗的 registered nurse, 可以當什麼呢？到社福界工作可行嗎？ 我想，我要裝備自己。 Test of Proficiency in Putonghua needed, IELTS Test needed. 速成也忘了怎用，的確不可接受。 同時，我要拾回自己的興趣。 攝影、書法、閱讀、 游泳、跑步、羽毛球、 聽音樂、寫日記、做義工等等。 為了慶祝畢業，已破費買了舅仔鞋。 爸爸說要買新 smart phone 給我，不用了。 長線 grad trip，不用了。 從不喜歡先洗未來錢。